


True Feelings

by Kitkattu



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Dorks in Love, F/F, First Love, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 22:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitkattu/pseuds/Kitkattu
Summary: Hanamaru is unsure of what this newfound feeling she has really means, trying to figure it out but also being extremely bothered by its unknown factors. All she knows is that she gets it whenever she's around Ruby...Ruby is worried about why Hanamaru has been avoiding her lately, getting out of conversations quick during class or practice, or making up excuses to leave the room once they actually get going on a topic. Her best friend just looked so troubled lately...Both of them just hope that the other is doing okay, wanting to figure out what's going on as soon as possible.





	True Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how many chapters will be done of this, but this is the first one, focusing on Hanamaru's growing unease by this feeling that makes her chest tighten and words cut short.  
> Next chapter coming...Whenever I have time to write it up!

    Hanamaru loved her best friend.  
    There was no doubt in her mind about that; she absolutely adored Ruby Kurosawa with every fiber of her being. She was her first real friend in a really long time, and she had helped Hanamaru conquer as many internal struggles as the girl had helped her through, even if Ruby never realized it. The biggest one for both of them being when they joined Aqours, and ever since they had joined the school idol group together, Hanamaru had felt like they had grown more as people, as well as grown closer together, if that was even possible. Ruby became so precious to her, being the number one thing on her mind at all times, thoughts of recently bought books or song lyrics for the group being on the back burner whenever she was around. Hanamaru considered it a bit odd how much her heart swelled when she talk with Ruby, or how embarrassed she would get at her compliments, but the wide smiles and sheepish expressions on Ruby’s face when she did the same thing proved to her that it was all fine and normal. That’s just how they were with one another.  
    It was the tightening of her chest and her occasional loss of words that made her confused. Ruby was her best friend and she could usually talk to her about anything, but these reactions were just things she couldn’t bring herself to speak up about. These felt odd; she attributed these to nervousness or sadness or disdain, not when she saw Ruby’s eyes sparkling when she talked about something she truly loved, and the way her eyes softened and her smile was as bright as the sun when she had a serious yet jovial moment. She was worried something was wrong with her, debating seeing a doctor to see if her hormones and all of her systems were in check, but that would cost money and a talk with her grandparents, which was something she wanted to do even less. She thought about maybe just talking to someone else about it in secret too, whether a professional or just a friend, but she didn’t want to burden or worry anyone with what must’ve seemed like silly reactions. But she wanted to at least say something. It all bothered her to no end, distracting her from both her schoolwork and the nice daydreams she had had before. She just wanted to figure out why this was all going on, before people started to worry ---  
    “Hanamaru-chan? Hello, Earth to Hanamaru?”  
    The hand waving and snapping in front of her face brings her out of her thoughts, jumping a bit in her seat, her wide eyes going from the notebook in front of her to Chika. Ah, she must’ve been thinking about it again! Chika had asked her to compare notes for lyrics for their next song, but she had just been too easily distracted by her own thoughts. How much all of this was distracting her was starting to get cumbersome…  
    “Ah, sorry, zura. I guess I had my head in the clouds…” She stated, a apologetic smile gracing her features, before quickly trying to return back to their work. “Y-You said you were having trouble with the bridge, right? Maybe if we drew out a few of the lyrics, it would fill the time better? Or, we could change it to something like ---”  
    “Hanamaru-chan.” Chika’s voice makes her pause, noticing the annoyed tone and look on her face. Her squinting was filled with judgement, getting closer to her as if trying to read all the thoughts in her mind, making Hanamaru tense and grip her notebook to her chest. “You look...Bothered.” The hand that had waved in front of her face now went to feel her forehead, making Hanamaru blush and tense even more. “And you feel really warm…”  
    “W-Well, to be fair, you are quite close.”  
    “Hmm, I suppose I am.” She commented, though she doesn’t move. If anything, Hanamaru felt like she just got even closer, humming to herself as she examined the younger girl’s pink face, squinting her eyes even more. It’s not like Chika didn’t do this sort of thing a lot whenever she wanted to know something, especially when she seemed to know something was off. Hanamaru had seen her do it to plenty of the others before, but they could usually either ignore her or dissuade her. Kanan and You seemed to be especially good at changing the subject or distracting her from their own problems, probably because they’ve been through this kind of thing with her for years. But Maru still wasn’t entirely used to the leader’s eccentricities or her actions that she used to show her feelings, blushing more the longer they stayed like this. It was only a matter of time before one of them cracked...  
    “Will you just tell me what’s wrong?!” Seemed like Hanamaru had more willpower and patience, but Chika certainly had the louder, more intimidating voice, annoyance and irritation shouted out in the clubroom. It was definitely as surprise, the younger squeaking at that and at her shoulders being grabbed, letting out surprised sounds as Chika started to shake her to speak up. “Ch-Chika-chan..! D-Dizzy, zura..!” She tried to shout, though Chika was too into the action to care. With all the nervous thoughts and uncomfortable feeling, blushing and tensing at Chika’s persistence, Hanamaru felt like she was going to either burst or just faint! “Ch-Chi---!”  
    “Chika-chan!”  
    The echo of the leader’s name is much more booming than Hanamaru’s tiny shout, causing both girls to jump in surprise and look at the clubroom door. “Riko?!” Both lyricists said in unison, looking at the other girl in awe, Chika then tensing herself while Hanamaru collapsed onto the table. Her hero...Though a very irritated looking one. Her look was enough to kill, staring down the orange haired girl and slowly taking a few steps forward. It made Chika squeak, clapping her hands over her bowed head, “I-I’m sorry if I did anything wrong! Please don’t kill me; I was just trying to get information---”  
    “Chika-chan.” It’s said so forcefully, so sharp, that even Hanamaru shuttered, both of them getting bit smaller as Riko put her hands on her hips, Chika seeming to brace for the worst…  
    Which was only a flick to the head. She let out a small sound of pain, but then looked up at Riko apologetically, the other girl still looking quite irritated while letting out a long sigh. “You can’t be so forceful about that kind of stuff, Chika…”  
    “Well...It worked last time though, right?” Chika said, sad smile turning into an amused smirk. The statement made Riko blush for some reason, Hanamaru raising a brow in curiosity as the pianist cleared her throat. “Y-Yes, well, neither of us were Hanamaru. Just being annoyingly rough and persistent isn’t going to work on everybody, you know.”  
    “Ah, Riko-chan’s so harsh,” Chika pouted at those words, though she still had that twinkle in her eye at the sight of Riko’s red cheeks, “I was just trying to help.”  
    “Well, I think Hanamaru-chan deserves a break from your “help”, right?” Both second years looked back at the first year, finally sitting up once the world around her had finally stopped spinning and shaking, giving them a sheepish smile for being called out. “Ah...I could really use a drink of water after all of that, zura.”  
    “Then come on, we’ll walk there together. I’m feeling a bit parched myself.” Riko offered, before waving for the younger girl to follow after her. Standing, Hanamaru bowed a bit to Chika, “S-Sorry about today. Hopefully we can work on all of this tomorrow?”  
    “No problem, Hanamaru-chan! I’ll keep what you said in mind too, and try working on the lyrics a bit at home tonight, okay?” Chika grinned at Hanamaru, not looking bothered by her actions at all anymore. The instant recovery surprises the younger giggling a bit, but it shouldn’t really; their leader was so resilient sometimes. Bowing again, and with notebook still pressed against her chest, she walked out into the hall with Riko.

    Their walk was filled with silence, though Hanamaru didn’t mind some quiet after all the intensity she got from Chika. Though, being left alone with her thoughts wasn’t exactly ideal, thinking over what the idol leader had said. She wanted to know what was wrong...Of course she would catch on that something was off with her spacing out on her like that. Still, she did have such extreme ways of trying to get the truth out of her. She couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at it, Riko looking over at her as she did. “Ah, Chika can be so energetic and childish at times.” She offhandedly commented, making Hanamaru giggle a bit louder in response. It makes Riko smile softly at the younger girl, before finally stopping at the water fountains around the corner, both girls turning them on and refreshing themselves.  
    “Hanamaru?” The girl’s questioning tone gets an equally questioning sound in response, watching Riko finish drinking and lean her back against the wall, hands clasped in front of her. “What was Chika trying to get out of you? I-If I’m allowed to ask; you don’t have to answer.” Hanamaru shook her head at the other’s concern, lifting her head up to answer. “It’s okay. I just started daydreaming while we were working on lyrics, and she just went a bit overboard with the concern. That’s all, zura!”  
    “Hmm, she really did, just violently shaking you like that. I swear, that girl just needs to learn how to ask questions properly…” Another statement, oh so very true, that makes Hanamaru giggle. Not like she would’ve truthfully answered Chika if she had just asked normally. She probably would’ve brushed it off as nothing, or maybe made the excuse that that was just her thinking face or something. Either of those might’ve caused a lengthy complaint from the leader, but maybe nothing as extreme as what she did. Sighing, Hanamaru went back to drinking more water from the water fountain. At least all of that was at the forefront of her mind, instead of ---  
    “Though, I have to admit that you’ve been getting at least more distracted than usual. I’m pretty sure everyone’s noticed ---”  
     _Everyone?_ She can’t help but choke on water at that, some of it splashing up her nose and in her eyes, jerking away from the water fountain coughing and sputtering. “Oh, Hanamaru!” Riko gasped, quickly fishing out her handkerchief and wiping Hanamaru’s face. Or more like a rough sanding. “I-I’m fine, I’m fine, zura.” She tried to say, maybe a bit too forcefully, taking the handkerchief from Riko and wiping her face herself, much more gently. When she finally brought the cloth away from her face, the first thing she sees is Riko’s concerned expression, instantly feeling bad and giving the older girl a small smile. “I-It’s just water, after all. I’ll clean your handkerchief when I get home, too, and I bless it if...I-If that’ll make you feel better.” Looking at Riko’s face, unchanging in expression and tone, it seemed apparent that it wouldn’t. Sighing again, Hanamaru let her gaze fall to the floor, “I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect you to say something like that; I honestly thought you wouldn’t bring that up, but...Everyone?” She gazed upward, looking at Riko nod and let out a sound of agreement in response. Another sigh, “I-I’m really sorry. I didn’t think I was doing that so much, or that it was concerning everyone. I’ve just had something on my mind lately, that’s all.” Silence falls over both of them again after that, but it feels a bit heavier now, Riko staring at her, probably trying to decipher just what was going on in her head like Chika had done before. But maybe Hanamaru preferred childish and extreme action over this growing intensity.  
    “...I suppose you won’t tell me about it either.” The pianist finally broke the silence, her tone understanding, her own small smile growing on her face. It’s appreciated, truthfully, to know that Riko wasn’t completely down about this whole situation, or was at least trying not to be. It makes Hanamaru let out a sigh of relief, before shaking her head, “No. I want to try and figure it out by myself, and I don’t want to burden anyone with something that’s probably just a silly worry.”  
    “I-I bet I could help, though. Even if I didn’t have any great advice or words of wisdom, but I can be a wall to spill your feelings to. It’s much better than just holding everything in.” The small memory of Chika’s frustration must’ve came to both of their minds, the saddening but then hopeful scene making them both shiver a bit. Riko was at the ocean first to help Chika be able to let all of that out, too, so she was speaking from a bit of experience at least…  
    “I don’t think it’d be right to just dump out all of my feelings onto you, though, Riko-chan. It’s very sweet of you to offer, but ---”  
    “But we’re all worried about you, Hanamaru.” Riko stated, patiently but sternly, “Especially Ruby. I think she’s worried that you’ve been avoiding her, or at least not telling her the truth when she asks. I’m pretty sure we’re all the most surprised that you haven’t confided in her about what’s been bothering you lately.” That honestly stang a bit, face falling and becoming more tense at that. Had she been hurting Ruby through all of this? That was the one thing she didn’t want to happen, but maybe it was the thing that was happening the most. Thinking about Ruby being so worried over her made her chest hurt, even more than just seeing her smile had. But this was a gross kind of hurt; this hurt tore her up inside and she knew it. When she saw Ruby regularly it was nothing like this. Her chest twisted and tightened, but it never made her feel so terrible; like she wanted to cry or run over to the girl to beg for forgiveness. At least there was a difference in this hurt now. But she needed to figure out more. She wanted to figure this out as soon as possible now; she wanted to hang out with Ruby and feel elated when she saw her smile again…  
    Sighing for the third time, she crossed her arms over her chest, “...It’s not that easy to explain. I-It’s not Ruby’s fault, but I just get this weird feeling when I’m around her now…”


End file.
